What's the difference when you cut a hooker and an onion?
Cutting a hooker doesn't make you cry.

How do you make a 6 year old girl cry a second time?
You wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.
Flip her over and treat her like a 6 year old boy? OUCH!

What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?
The woman.

What's six inches long with a big red head that makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her.

What's the difference between a ham sandwich and a dead baby?
"I don't fuck a ham sandwich before I eat it."

So, I was eating out this girl, and I tasted horse semen.
Then, I looked at her and said, "Oh grandma, so that's how you died!"

What do 9 out of 10 people approve?
Gang Rape

A white boy, jimmy, and a black boy, jamal, are in the same kindergarten class. One day the teacher asks them to recite the alphabet. Jimmy goes first and gets through it perfectly. Jamal goes next, gets to h, stumbles and can't finish. That night, Jamal asks his mom why jimmy could recite the abc's and he couldn't. His mom responds with "that's because jimmy is white and you are black." The next day, the teacher asks them to count to 10. Jimmy again goes first and gets through it perfectly. Jamal goes second, gets to 4, stumbles and can't finish. That night, Jamal asks his mom why jimmy could count to 10 and he couldn't. His moms response was the same, " because he is white and you are black." The next day, while in the bathroom, Jamal catches a glimpse of Jimmy's penis. That night he asks his mother, "today I was in the bathroom and saw Jimmy's penis and mine was much bigger than his. Is that because I'm black and he's white?" Jamal's mother responds with, "no Jamal, that's because you are 18 and he is 5."


Guy walks into his bedroom with a duck under his arm. Says "this is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says "you idiot, that's not a pig, that's a duck." he says "Shut up! I was talking to the duck." A classic.