[–]nukacola 169 очков170 очков171 очко 10 часов назад*
I'm gonna piggy pack on your comment, because i love all the points you bring up in it, and i'd like to add a few more about the friend zone itself and just why guys need help from it.
First off i'd sum up your point by saying to never attribute to malice what can just as easily be attributed to stupidity or ineptitude. The friend zone is like this, The guys aren't feeling malicious towards the women (at least not at first, and i'll get to when and how the friend zone turns into misogyny later on), they simply don't know how to go about getting what they want.
Probably the biggest misconception i see about the friend zone is that it's just about sex. Most guys i know don't get irreversibly fixated on a girl just because they want to have sex with her. In most cases of the friend zone they genuinely think this girl is the one. They aren't going to lengths of creepery for friends with benefits, they want a genuine romantic relationship, and all that it entails. The problem is, they don't really understand the difference between what attracts a person to a romantic relationship and what attracts a person to a friendship.
Next up, At this early awkward stage of life where the friendzone first occurs, a few portions of our culture actively encourage guys to enter the friend zone. Probably the biggest difference between men's and women's dating culture and why men end up in the friendzone so much more often then women is that culture tells women to wait for a man to find them, while culture tells men to go out and find a woman. For women, if you're interested in a man and he doesn't return your affection, that's not a huge deal, you just need to keep waiting for your prince charming (all kinds of problems arise if prince charming doesn't show within his designated period of time, but that's another issue). For men, you need to go out and find your true love, and there's a pretty big guide book for what to do once she is found. First and foremost, once you find your true love, you do not give up. Even if at first she absolutely hates you, if you just keep at it, eventually she will see that your motives are true. Through perseverance she will realize that the guy she's been looking for is you. Culture (or at least your parents) also tells you that all you have to do is be yourself and everyone will automatically love you.
What culture doesn't tell men is that they need to step back and evaluate both their own personality and the object of their desire's. That odds are, you're not only overestimating what you actually bring to a relationship, but you're also likely projecting all kinds of qualities onto this poor girl that she doesn't actually possess. In your head she's the perfect woman, but in reality you really don't know all that much about her and are filling in the blanks with what you hope is there. What culture doesn't tell us is that it should say if you just be yourself* (the version of yourself who is clean, motivated, and sociable) then a lot of people will give you a chance, and even then if you don't share enough interests or just aren't compatible it still wont work out sometimes, sorry kid that's life.
Now this is the point where the misogyny starts to sink in. You've tried everything that culture and your mother told you. You've found the woman of your dreams. You were yourself around her. You never gave up. You were always there for her, you were always kind to her. And yet still she doesn't return your affections. The story isn't reading like it should. Obviously something is wrong, and for the most part what the guy decides is wrong says a lot about what kind of person he becomes.
First, the guy who takes this experience and turns it into a positive. This guy decides that what's wrong with the narrative is that narrative itself. He realizes there's a difference between what people want in a friendship and what people want in a romance. He realizes he needs to be careful about projecting positive qualities onto women, because that just causes problems. He realizes that he isn't perfect, and that not everyone is going to fall head over heels in love with him, and that that's ok, because if they don't like his personality, then odds are he wouldn't like theirs.
The guy who becomes a foreveralone decides that what's wrong with this equation is him. He's not good enough, he's going to be alone forever. There is something inherently wrong with him, and because this one woman rejected him, all women forever will. This then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. These are the guys who want an injection of manic pixie dream girl to get them out of their slump. What they really need is a friend to help them realize that they weren't the problem. Unfortunately once they decide that they aren't the problem, they often proceed to decide that women are the problem. On a side note, this is how most of the misogyny in r/seduction comes around. I personally think that r/seduction is a great tool for getting people out of their foreveralone slump; misogyny is an unfortunate side affect which needs to be exterminated from that community.
The guy who becomes a misogynist decides that what's wrong with the equation is the woman. Women are obviously too deeply flawed to appreciate the majesty that is you. Something at their core makes then say no to the carrot which is you, and go for the douchebag sticks instead. Once a guy is here, there's no helping him anymore. I feel a little sorry for them, but the only person who can help them is themselves.
So the actual friend zone is something which happens early in your romantic history, and usually only happens once or twice. If you encounter someone at this stage in the friend zone, please be kind and help them. Help them to see that what culture has been ramming down their throats since they were old enough to speak is wrong. Sit them down and tell them that there's nothing wrong with them or the girl. Otherwise they might just become another misogynist foreveralone, and we've got enough of those.
