Dinner or bar: If there's a waiter, you order only for yourself and then immediately & confidently ask "should I pay now or later for that?". Don't ask your date "hey what are you having?" until after you order for yourself because women will use that as an excuse to say that they thought you were offering to pay for their drink since you ordered for her.



Only bar: Go up to the bartender and directly order your own drink, pay first, then turn and ask what she is having.



Dinner or bar: ask the waiter to split the bill when you order initially (don't ask permission from the girl and don't skip a beat in your conversation. This should be normal and she shouldn't be surprised that she should actually pay half).



Dinner or bar: say "hey, you know those chili fries look amazing! How about I buy first round of drinks and the chili fries are on you?".

I'm leaving you on religious grounds. I've decided to become a Jew, and you're a fucking pig.


"Hey, your ex is kinda hot."
"Which one?"
"Me."

"They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, so I'm gonna go back to holding my rod until I catch something else."

Wanna have some breakup sex?


"Baby, do you know why I like having you around? me neither, I'm done."

Don't forget about Homer's classic line: "Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You." (This was well before the now cliche "welcome to _____-ville" lines that are just played out now.)

What's old, broken down and not going anywhere?
This relationship.
What's red, white and filled with salty water?
Your eyes in about 5 minutes from now.


How much does a polar bear weigh? Too much to be my girlfriend.

passes off letter ala elementary school "Do you wanna be my ex-girlfriend?" Circle yes or yes 

 I wish we were better strangers.

"Roses are red Violets are blue Garbage is dumped And so are you."   Baby me and you are like doing pushups with your knees touching the ground.... This just isn't working out"   "everyone with a boyfriend raise your hand, not so fast honey"

"It's not you, its my penis"

There was a quote from Henry Ford, probably apocryphal but it still applies just the same - "If I had asked people what they wanted from me they'd have said a faster horse."

"Very little scares me," said my new girlfriend "Great," I thought to myself, "She's going to be terrified when she sees my cock."

"дневниковая запись"

видимо -М.

начинаю заниматься по методике leangains.

http://i.imgur.com/GJCTZGF.jpg

помню, ник краузера спросили, дескать, как не влюбляться в девушек, когда с ними встречаешся. ну, вопрос вполне логичный. он ответил - когда их много, тогда не влюбляешься. ок, все верно.
только нахуя тогда это.